Elul 6
I have been looking around online at what is being written, talked about and suggested for the spiritual practice of Elul, and relationship seems to be the theme: evaluating one's relationship with others, with yourself, with family, community, money, the environment, with the Mystery, and more. What did we say or do that hurt or interfered with our relationships?
We are advised to be extremely specific in our self evaluation, naming behaviors, thoughts and actions that "missed the mark." Isn't genuine connection and closeness what we all want, a feeling of belonging, of being seen and understood and accepted?
How much closeness and how much separateness is needed at any given moment? And what are we willing to sacrifice to have a healthy balance of both?
The Hebrew word for sacrifice is korban, spelled kuf-resh-nun, and it also means to draw in or draw closer. Since the destruction of the Temple, and we are no longer sacrificing animals, Jewish ritual practices have been integrated into our daily lives. Kitchen tables are the modern-day altars, and our very lives are the sanctuaries in which we pray, meditate, create community, celebrate life cycle events, care for the sick and the dying, make blessings and sacrifices.
Remember the character of the "close talker" from the TV show Seinfeld? This guy would stand ridiculously close to someone while talking to them, with no regard for personal space or boundaries. 
Then there's the lovers who are either grooming or groping one another in public; not to mention the person who holds on while hugging just a little too long.
There are also folks who provoke an argument with friends or partners in order to get some breathing room, when all they would really have to do is speak up about needing some space rather than picking a fight. If we can remember to check in with ourselves about whether we need more space or more time for connection, we are hopefully better able to express those needs and get them met.
Hmmm….in letting go, I come closer. This is an interesting phenomenon for anyone, regardless of their spiritual beliefs. What do I have to let go of in order to feel close? How much space is enough and how much closeness?
Fire
What
makes a fire burn
is
space between the logs,
a
breathing space.
Too
much of a good thing,
too
many logs
packed
in too tight
can
squelch a fire,
can
douse the flames
almost
as surely as a pail of water can.
So
building fires
requires
tending in a special way,
attention
to the wood
as
well as to the spaces in between,
so
fire can catch, can grow, can breathe,
can
build its energy and warmth
which
we need in order
to
survive the cold.
We
need practice
building
open spaces
just
as clearly as we learn
to
pile on the logs.
It’s
fuel, and the absence of fuel
together,
that make the fire possible,
let
it develop in ways that’s
possible
when we lay logs in just the
way
the fire wants to go.
Then
we can watch it as it leaps and plays,
burns
down and then flames up
in
unexpected ways.
Then
we need only lay a log on it
from
time to time.
Then
it has life all of its own,
a
beauty that emerges
not
where logs are
but
where spaces can invite the flames
to
burn, to form exquisite patterns of their own,
their
beauty possible
simply
because the space is there,
an
opening in which flame
that
knows just how it wants
to
burn can find its way.
-Judy
Brown
