This morning I heard about the death of singer Aretha Franklin age 76. I was ironing my clothes for work, and I had to stop, sit down and allow the tears to fall.

When a famous person dies, like Aretha Franklin, there is a multi dimensional grief that occurs on an individual and communal level. I probably can name an Aretha Franklin song for every age and stage of my life. So each “me” grieves from each of those stages. Aretha Franklin’s music has lifted my spirit, my eyes, my hands and my heart at times when I needed to be carried out of the abyss. She put joy in my feet and praise in my hands.

Aretha Franklin also died at 76 years old, the same age my mother was when she died. I made up the word “grief-fullness” To describe the fullness of the mysterious, organic, mercurial quality of the physical, emotional and spiritual experience of grief. In this altered state of Grief-fullness, these synchronicities have particular meaning and depth. Grief is not a linear, logical or rational experience.

Grief is a natural, organismic response to loss; it is not linear, logical or rational. There is no hierarchy of grief, and none of us are immune to it. Some people prefer to grieve privately, while others mourn collectively. In the Jewish tradition, a minyan of 10 people gathers to pray together, so that the strength and love of the community supports the most intimate mourners.

More often than I can count, people have sheepishly confessed in my office to attending a funeral or memorial service of someone they did not know, such as the relative of a friend or colleague, and felt embarrassed by their tears and sorrow. Rituals of mourning are designed at their very best to create a space for people to mourn and find comfort. Such rituals by design have the capacity to activate our own stored up grief and bring it to the surface, if we allow it.

There is no shame in Grief-fullness. Undoubtedly radio stations will be playing Aretha’s music around the clock for a while, even more than usual. Let the tears flow. Pour your heart out. Know that you are not alone in your sorrow.