Today my digital music provider introduced me to a new song called “People Pleaser” by British musician/singer Cat Burns. Her lyrics are spot on in describing this common pattern in relationships:
When you say something’s wrong, I just wanna make a bad talk
Oh, but I realize that you just wanted me to listen
But listen, when I see you cry, I can’t stand what I feel inside
Oh, I just wanna fix you (Fix you)
Guess I’m what they call a people, people, people pleaser
Pleaser, pleaser
Guess I’m what they call a people, people, peopleI put my comfort behind everyone else all my life
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/catburns/peoplepleaser.html
Sometimes it’s more painful to watch someone else crumble into a self-abnegating people pleaser than it is to be the pleaser.
It really is possible to shift people pleasing from a default habit to an option in your toolkit. It’s genuinely helpful sometimes to be able to perceive another person’s needs and make a choice about how you want to respond. The operative word here is CHOICE.
You’re more free when you can actually choose, and then both people can enjoy the moment.