Beloved teacher Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen died on August 8th. I was tremendously blessed to have attended an in-person retreat that she led with Frank Ostaseski in 2011 at Spirit Rock Meditation Center about a life of service. Their model of deep abiding friendship, and their embodiment of a life of service, continue to shape my own path.
One of Rachel’s first questions to the group at the retreat was to invite us to remember the earliest time in our lives when we remembered being impacted by another person in need. She said:
“How old were you when you first realized that the needs of a living thing mattered to you?”
I still have my notes from that retreat, (and my cherished signed copy of her book) and I never describe my life or my work as helping people, but rather as being of service and in service. This distinction honors the dignity of the other – human and more than human beings, and the planet. AND ourselves.
Years later, Rachel and I also had a planned roadside encounter to retrieve a box of signed books she graciously donated to The Dinner Party to support their communal grief work. I pulled into the parking spot alongside her car. Her license plate said simply, MENSCH. (or maybe it was 1MENSCH?) At first, I was a little astonished that she had a vanity license plate, but then I smiled to myself because it was important enough to her to be a mensch in the world that she put it on her license plate.
Rachel’s books, Kitchen Table Wisdom and My Grandfather‘s Blessings, have long been well loved, dog-eared essential reading in my collection. I have used excerpts from her books at countless workshops, retreats, and classes. In particular, “Professionals Don’t Cry” has been a guiding light and a powerful tool for transformation. Rachel’s legacy will undoubtedly live on in current and future generations, among millions of healthcare providers and students who had the privilege of taking her class, “The Healer’s Art,” and learning from her generous wisdom over decades.
May Rachel’s memory be for a blessing always.
“Wounding and healing are not opposites. They’re part of the same thing. It is our wounds that enable us to be compassionate with the wounds of others. It is our limitations that make us kind to the limitations of other people. It is our loneliness that helps us to find other people or to even know they’re alone with an illness. I think I have served people perfectly with parts of myself I used to be ashamed of. ”
Rachel Naomi Remen, MD (z’‘l)
*You can read Commonweal’s memorial tribute to Rachel here.