Every family has its OYs and JOYS. Those moments or patterns of relating and behaving that elicit an eyeball or a prickly reaction, and the joyful parts that make us laugh or feel truly known like no one else can.
The New York Times recently published an article entitled “Life is Too Short to Fight With Your Family.” In these highly polarized times, many families are feeling the stress of the holiday season and tensions are ramping up week by week.
Family means many things to different people, and is a potent archetype about belonging, connection and love. Most of us carry an ideal in our hearts about what we wish and hope family would FEEL like, be it biological family, chosen family, assigned family, work family or community. Unfortunately, many people feel unprepared and ill-equipped for the relational reality of family.
Invariably we will disagree, step on each other’s toes, and fall into old behavior patterns. This is why we need tools, resources, and practices for repair, not just relationship agreements. Yes, practice tools. We need to practice listening without debate, being present without formulating our strategy for persuasion, and being loving even when we don’t agree.
In a week it would be Thanksgiving,
and we would each sit
with our respective families,
counting our blessings and blessing
the hearts of family members
as only family does best.
Oh, bless us all, yes, bless us,
please bless us and
bless our crummy little hearts.
– from “Bless Their Hearts” by Richard Newman